Tuesday, May 2, 2017

5 Reasons You Can't Pick Up Girls & How to Fix It

OKies . . . all my single guy friends . . .

My entire Facebook feed the last few days is DREADFUL!!! 
Guys you need to understand how not to turn off women with a single status update! And good lord, try harder when you don't know me and you're hitting up my inbox. I think it's awesome you put yourself out there, it's scary, it's hard, gj, thank you for reaching out, even if I say no.
So from some generalized excerpts from the last 3 days of my facebook feed and inbox, this is how they're interpreted by the chicks you wanna bang. Y'all need some protips.
This is judgmental face

1.) He says: "EFF everyone cuz this bad thing happened and everyone is agaisnt me"
She hears: "I blame other people for my problems because I'd rather be a victim and have pity than actually realize my own actions put me on the spiral that lead me here."
2.)He says: "I'm so pathetically lonely omg someone help"
She hears: "I'm a pity whore and really believe the only way you will be interested in me and keep talking is if you feel bad because I have nothing else going on."
3.)"OMG can't believe these people did this stuff behind my back"
She hears: " I make bad decisions and have shady. I run with drug addicts and broke people because that is where I fit in best."
4.) "my baby momma who works 3 jobs bought some crap I can't afford so I know she's wasting my child support"
She hears: "I have no respect for women, or what it costs to parent a child. I didn't even know where the daycare was til my kid was 5. I don't understand how much it actually costs to raise the children I only see 4 days a month and don't save my own money, I just blame her because I have to pay a share of the bills. My irresponsibility and disrespect is why she left in the first place."
5.) Your opening line is "girl you're so hot/sexy/pretty/amazing/adorable I wanna get to know you are you single?"
She hears: "i'm pushy and just wanna know if you're dtf" She's immediately on guard. And there is no response to "you're so pretty" "thanks yes I used my special leave in conditioner and face cake high lighters from Mad cosmetics in Tennessee ?"
Pro Tips for picking up chicks:
A.) Quit blaming other people for your problems. Even if the first step is away from the person that hurt you, it's still your job to take it.
B.) You need better friends.
C.) Grow a back bone and some self esteem. Don't tell her you're a loser, make her figure it out. Talk about trends in science, news, cars, sports, hobbies, something ANYTHING else besides how desperate you are and how your ex did you wrong.
D.)Replace your opening lines with things that require a response and show that you're interested in a conversation. Some of the best nights of my life were spent just talking with some really hot guy. After hours of conversation and drinks we never exchanged numbers, just enjoyed the moment. Quit focusing so hard on the outcome and enjoy getting to know her.
Good online openers "hey I saw your last photo, I didn't know you liked to skateboard!?" "I saw you went to MSU, what was your degree in"
Good real life openers?? Here's a great trick. Play some trivia game on your phone with your friends. Turn and ask the girl behind you if she knows the answer. Go back to your game." Walk up like you know her and ask simple questions, what she thinks of the bar, the commercial playing on the tv, the sportsball game. She can't make conversation about her face.
E.)Don't walk around the bar shooting for anything that will have you, don't stare around looking for targets. It looks sad and scary.
F.)If finding people is difficult, go places you like being, go with people you like being with. You seldom make lasting connections from chance encounters.
G.)If child support is really so expensive you can't eat, get a better job. Spend your money more wisely, or . . . GASP . . . take joint custody with your kids so you pay less child support and learn how expensive shit like daycare, diapers, sitters, car seats, Halloween costumes, and Dr.'s appointments really are.
G.)The friend zone is really just that she's not interested in sex with you. Either she doesn't realize you want to bang and thinks you're her friend because she is actually a worthy and intelligent human being, or she thinks you're sweet but unattractive. Yep. Unattractive. It's hard to tell someone you don't wanna bang them but still enjoy their friendship. She's being nice. She doesn't owe you anything. Anything you gave her without making your intentions known are rightfully hers. You gave, she accepted. Either move on or lose some weight, take a shower, get in shape, quit drinking so much, quit whining, get a job... whatever it is that's alienating women . . . FIX IT.


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